I no longer care to fight whatever destiny this universe has set up for me, in fact, I actually trust that the universe WILL take care of me. Let me try to explain.....
I surrender to life and hope to remember for the rest of my days to strive to walk through the fire, rain, sleet, snow, or sunshiine in love and peace.
It's a funny thing but I guess that this faith is coming from a personal observation of the way that things have begun to open up, in a positive way in my life recently.
For starters, I am living with this amazing (Jewish--so excited about this!) family who I have come to adore. Although I try to express my gratitude for them whenever possible, I am not sure they will ever truly understand just how grateful I am for their support and their open and loving arms.
I have become closer to a number of co-workers--and in general, they have all been an amazing support during this difficult time. I've known since the day that I started at Hoover last year that I have one of the most good natured and heart felt bosses I could ever hope for and her sage life advice and willingness to listen when I have unsuccessfully tried to fight back tears has meant so much to me. My across the hall mate, Jen and I have begun to workout together a few times a week and her friendship has been such a bright addition to my work day. And just recently, Michele, and I have had some great conversations about religion and relationships and her stories and advice have been incredibly uplifting. She is newly engaged and I am so happy for her.
I have also been connecting with a number of "acquaintances" in the area. Just this past weekend I had the opportunity to re-connect with a couple of girls who I knew in college and am very excited for the possibility of growing friendships with both of them.
And then last, but definitely not least, the incredible support system I have in my family and friends has been completely reaffirmed. I know I have written about them before, but they have been available at the drop of a hat to chat on the phone when I am feeling sad, or lonely or happy about something new going on in my life.
I owe so much of my current state of "okayness" to the people I have just written about and the way that these connections have materialized in a time of need leaves me in awe and with a feeling of hope.
I say "okayness" above because well, I cannot claim to be blissfully happy at the moment, but I am doing okay. I can even say that I feel happy more than I feel sad in the past couple of weeks.
It's a funny thing, I was a pretty happy person before this past relationship, but then the universe brought this relationship along and showed me just how much more joy was inside of me. Although I will hurt for a bit longer I am sure, I have begun to feel very lucky to have had a relationship that showed me the depths of joy that are inside of me.
I suppose you could say this relationship gave me confidence that there is this seemingly unending well of joy inside of me and although those depths will be unexplored for a while as I heal and search for the next person who I will be able to share this joy with---I now have confidence and faith that it exists. And despite all of the pain and sadness in the past month, I can't help but thinking of all the amazing gifts the universe has bestowed upon me.