1) Japanese Lunch in the tatami room at Fuki's on Friday for Keite's B-day---totally brought back memories of Japan.
2) Delicious Dinner with Lindsey at her adorable apartment in San Jose. Noodles with peanut sauce, peppers, cabbage and carrots! I am inspired to try a recipe this week. I'll let you know how it turns out.
3) Playing Settlers of Catan & Killer Bunnies with Kat and Lindsey.
4) Participating in a Stanford Study about Hapa Values.
5) 10 Mile Run to the Arastradero Preserve in Palo Alto.
6) Making a big dish of home made Veggie Lasagna.
7) Sunday morning Yoga
8) Hiking at the Dish with Kat, Lindsey and Erik.
9) Lots of 4 person Long Arm photo practice--thanks to Lindsey's long arms! 10) Tour of Google! which I have to say is amazing! Couldn't take any pics of the inside, so you'll just have to trust me---it's incredible! Here are a couple pics of us on "campus." Love the one of us posing for the windows -thanks for the mirror windows Google, very convenient!
***One note in particular about the weekend. I have to say that I have really been missing my girlfriends in the past couple of months and I feel so blessed to have been able to reconnect with Lindsey and Kat recently--they are both such kind hearted, creative, intelligent and vibrant, full of life people. Oh and have I mentioned that both of their rooms/apartments are covered in canvases of their very own beautiful paintings---I am totally inspired to paint!
(Totally random picture that has nothing at all to do with this entry :))
Have I mentioned that I really enjoyed the book I just finished, "Happens Every Day?" Perfect book for my current situation, I could really relate to the main character Isabel as she watched someone she loved fall out of love with her. My heart broke when she recounted the first time her husband used her name instead of their pet names, when her husband's tone changed from a loving one to a somewhat cold and distant one--I remember how much it hurt to hear Joe call me Sarah instead of Baby or when I could hear in his voice that he didn't want to be with me. In the end though, her story was uplifting in so many ways and has given me some more hope that things are going to be okay. One of my fav. lines is the very last line of the book and I would love to share it, but I don't want to be a spoiler. If you are dying to know, you can leave a comment and I will tell you.
Here is another one of my favorite parts that I just have to share,
"I thought if I could get such a kick out of these pancakes, I hadn't died. He hadn't killed me or destroyed my ability to take pleasure in life. I could taste something heavenly and feel joy, even if only for a second. That pancake meant I would be okay. It gave me courage and hope that even on the darkest day, there is a way to see light and feel the beauty of the world. Sounds corny, but life can be glorious. Remembering that during the lowest, saddest times is imperative if you want to get back to the highs. But you have to look. You have to remember to remind yourself to look."
This woman is totally in my circle!!!! I love the way that she worked so hard to find beauty even amidst the pain! I think that was one of the first coping devices I turned to when this breakup happened and this is evidenced in my first few blogs after the breakup, with my simple pleasure lists. It's becoming more natural now to see the good, but at first I kind of forced myself to take note of the good things that still surrounded me.
On an unrelated note, I went on a run with the group at Runner's High (what a great name for a running store) and met some cool people. One guy's wife was a travel writer for Sunset....can she please come next time! And we ran into the managing editor for Sunset...maybe my dream of working there will actually come true one day!
"Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours. - Ayn Rand
This book is chalk full of them and I can hardly put it down.
"I think you just have to make these great big mistakes to learn. And then I think the key is to think hard about what you want to have and want to avoid before you fall in love again. Once you are in love I don't think you have a lot of choices. you just have to ride it out. That's it. Love gives you no choices."
Have I mentioned that I have the greatest boss on Earth? I walked in to her office to say hello today and she gave me a book that she brought in. It's called, Happens Every day and it is a true story about a woman whose husband leaves her. I know, I know, sounds like a depressing man hating book, but the reason she gave it to me is because it has a happy ending. I love what a positive person she is.
I started it tonight on the elliptical, which I resorted to after I got locked out of my Stanford Hospital Volunteer Orientation because I was 10 minutes late...I was bummed about that, who knew a million Med Students were going to show up and pack the room to the gills. I will have to make sure to be on time next month.
So anyways, I got to start the book and I am in love with it and almost upset with myself for writing instead of reading right now, but I just can't help it, I had to share about it.
One of my favorite parts so far is when the author is describing what it felt like to have to move home with her two young sons after the divorce and she and her father are having a conversation and he shares a quote with her that Adlai Stevenson said about Eleanor Roosevelt at her funeral, "he said she was the kind of person who would rather light a candle than curse the darkness."
I love that quote, I started crying on the elliptical (I'm definitely pre-menstrual right now). Sorry if you reading this dad.
Changing the subject a bit, I am also reading 3 Cups of tea right now. It's been a bit slow going for me to get into it, but I had a little break through yesterday and it's finally bringing me in.
There was a beautiful part that I read yesterday when Greg (the main character) meets the woman he is going to marry and the conversation they have at dinner after spending the day together.
I wish I could fast forward sometimes and finally be done feeling sad about this breakup.
I had a really great weekend, this weekend, but the ickyness still has a way of welling up. I really miss my life of the past year and I am trying very hard to be positive and to find new things to bring meaning to my life, but to be plain and simple, it's just hard some days. Hard as I try to block out all the memories I have of the past year, they just keep creeping into my brain and then of course I can't help but cry thinking about how good I had it for a while.
Okay, enough of my sob story, I better get to something positive before I drown in my tears, here are some of the fun things I did this weekend....
1) 2 new Palo Alto runs thanks to mapmyrun.com---one through a beautiful neighborhood behind Stanford and the other to the Arastradero Preserve.
2) Menlo Park Arts Festival
3) Salmon Risotto
4) Discovering a cute new area with a friend - Los Gatos.
Highlights of the trip..... 1) 3 hour coffee shop conversation just catching up. 2) Group Run :) Christina and Lane did a 10 miler on Saturday as they are Marathon training and Audie and I tagged along for 5.5 miles. 3) Bopping. 4) Updated Mac n' Cheese with a fellow Twin Peaks Middle School Alumni and his fiance...what a small world! 5) Gin and Tonics! 6) Not forgetting our boppers1 7) Swing dancing 8) Middy and Murray's cute faces. 9) Boise Coffee Shops - Java, Dawson's and Flying M 10) Adult Easter Egg Hunts 11) NOT Jersey Chasing at Boise Hockey Games. 12) bop bop bop 13) Willowing it
I no longer care to fight whatever destiny this universe has set up for me, in fact, I actually trust that the universe WILL take care of me. Let me try to explain.....
I surrender to life and hope to remember for the rest of my days to strive to walk through the fire, rain, sleet, snow, or sunshiine in love and peace.
It's a funny thing but I guess that this faith is coming from a personal observation of the way that things have begun to open up, in a positive way in my life recently.
For starters, I am living with this amazing (Jewish--so excited about this!) family who I have come to adore. Although I try to express my gratitude for them whenever possible, I am not sure they will ever truly understand just how grateful I am for their support and their open and loving arms.
I have become closer to a number of co-workers--and in general, they have all been an amazing support during this difficult time. I've known since the day that I started at Hoover last year that I have one of the most good natured and heart felt bosses I could ever hope for and her sage life advice and willingness to listen when I have unsuccessfully tried to fight back tears has meant so much to me. My across the hall mate, Jen and I have begun to workout together a few times a week and her friendship has been such a bright addition to my work day. And just recently, Michele, and I have had some great conversations about religion and relationships and her stories and advice have been incredibly uplifting. She is newly engaged and I am so happy for her.
I have also been connecting with a number of "acquaintances" in the area. Just this past weekend I had the opportunity to re-connect with a couple of girls who I knew in college and am very excited for the possibility of growing friendships with both of them.
And then last, but definitely not least, the incredible support system I have in my family and friends has been completely reaffirmed. I know I have written about them before, but they have been available at the drop of a hat to chat on the phone when I am feeling sad, or lonely or happy about something new going on in my life.
I owe so much of my current state of "okayness" to the people I have just written about and the way that these connections have materialized in a time of need leaves me in awe and with a feeling of hope.
I say "okayness" above because well, I cannot claim to be blissfully happy at the moment, but I am doing okay. I can even say that I feel happy more than I feel sad in the past couple of weeks.
It's a funny thing, I was a pretty happy person before this past relationship, but then the universe brought this relationship along and showed me just how much more joy was inside of me. Although I will hurt for a bit longer I am sure, I have begun to feel very lucky to have had a relationship that showed me the depths of joy that are inside of me.
I suppose you could say this relationship gave me confidence that there is this seemingly unending well of joy inside of me and although those depths will be unexplored for a while as I heal and search for the next person who I will be able to share this joy with---I now have confidence and faith that it exists. And despite all of the pain and sadness in the past month, I can't help but thinking of all the amazing gifts the universe has bestowed upon me.
Call me delusional, call me scrounging to hang desparately onto a thread of hope, call me unrealistic...but I refuse to live my life not believing that there is a fairy tale ending waiting somewhere out there for me. AND, you too.